We all know that rebounds don’t work. All they do is distract us from the pain of our break up… well, they’re supposed to, but no matter how beautiful and exotic our rebound is, we just want them to be more like our ex.
I set off for my Eat Pray Love tropical island get away all excited, but once I arrived in the Philippines, things didn’t go exactly as planned, and I couldn't help thinking “Why can’t you be more like the USA?!” I made a point not to do rebounds in romantic relationships anymore. I didn’t realize it applied to countries too!
I unconsciously used the Philippines as my rebound when I was still hung up on USA. I want to offer an official apology to the Philippines: “I’m sorry, you’re a beautiful country with so much to offer and I’ll definitely come back once I’ve sorted things out with the USA, but I don’t think I see a long term relationship for us. It’s not you, it’s me. Things happened so fast, I wasn't thinking clearly, and it’s no excuse, but I hope we can be friends.”
In the shock of my visa denial I grasped at something outside myself to make me feel better… a trip to an exotic tropical island! Hurrah! And it worked, at least to get me out of the US… but once I arrived in the Philippines, my trip turned out to be more like Bridget Jones in Nightmare on Elm Street, than Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love...
Don’t worry, I wasn’t kidnapped by Freddie Kruger, it was just my perception. I had panic attacks that made me feel like I was living in a horror film (Halloween decorations kindly added to the effect 😂 ).
When I left for the Philippines I’d set an intention to release residual trauma I'd been working on fully forgiving and letting go of. Well, I got what I asked for, but it definitely was not how I expected it to happen…
I had imagined lying on a white sandy beach with the sun kissing my skin and glistening waves lapping in the background, while a spiritual guru gently massaged the remaining trauma from my body...
Instead, I had what felt like a volcano inside me erupting a few times a day, sometimes hourly, unable to leave the hotel without severe panic. Hmmm, not quite what I pictured. There were times that things seemed to be going so wrong I was sure Ashton Kutcher was going to jump out and reveal I was being Punked.
But after several hospital trips and attempts to calm my system over a week, and no sign of Ashton Kutcher, I decided to fly home to Australia to heal in a familiar environment.
Coming out the other side, I’m so grateful for the experience because it forced me to listen to my inner voice again and, this time, fully commit to honoring it above all else. My panic attacks were my friend, they were a warning bell forcing me to pay attention before it escalated into something worse.
The lesson: Take care of you. I heard it in Pretty Woman a thousand times growing up. We hear “Secure your mask before you assist others” every time we get on the plane, and yet, sometimes we need a (not so gentle) reminder of just how important this is.
Thanks so much for all the love and support, the absolute lifesavers (who I would mention, but I don't want to leave anyone out!), and thanks for patience with slow(er than usual) or unanswered messages, I'm slow on the social front. I'm too busy running and dancing through the park, hugging trees and singing "Joy To The World!... I can breathe!" 🎶🎄 (Mariah Carey's latest version of the hit Christmas song).
If you’re experiencing panic attacks, or know someone who is, know that they pass and can be cured. Watch this video, it’s everything: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_mFzOudxng
And I highly recommend EFT Coaching with Micha: InSpirit Energy Healing and
Hypnosis with Tom McBeth: http://www.sedona-hypnosis.com/ Who both helped me heal in record time with so much empathy! As well as Clare Elizabeth Clare Elizabeth Dea's inspiring, creative, life affirming Masterclass sessions.
If you go to Bogo, Cebu in the Philippines, stay at Casa Domingo , they treated me like family and helped inject beautiful moments of comedy, adventure and heart into my horror film! People can be so kind. I'm so grateful xoxo