USA Break Up

That moment when someone you love says “I want to see other people” or “I think we should take a break” is always memorable and life altering. That moment has come for me and the USA. The visa application process is like trying to date a dude who won’t commit... and the US has serious commitment issues! :-p
The US was like “Ok, I’ll date you for a year, but only under certain conditions, and we’re not exclusive, so don’t get too comfortable!” I was like “Sure, no pressure, let’s do this!” but secretly knowing that they were going to fall for me and want me to move in! And I was right! Once the US committed to another 18 months I thought we were in a long term relationship (da da da dum!). I thought they’d fallen for me as hard as I did for them, but I guess I missed the signs that they were waining.
Finding out that my visa was denied was like one of those blindsided break ups - USA was ready and prepared, they knew it was coming... I didn’t, so it was a shock. The first 24 hours I balled my eyes out. But just like all one sided break ups, looking back there were signs. And after my initial shock I realized that USA was right… I was a bit of a stage 3 clinger, I see that now.
I was bending over backwards trying to impress the US, trying to prove that I could be marriage material. But if I’m completely honest with myself, there's a part of me that's relieved. I’ve been fighting so hard for this relationship - and now I see it was a little one sided. Relationships aren’t supposed to be that hard, and I want to be with a country who really wants to be with me.
I’m taking this break (a clean break, not a Ross-and-Rachel-style break), so much better than expected. I barely wasted any time wondering what I could’ve done differently, wasting my time on regret, on blame, on the things I could’ve said that might’ve changed USA’s mind. I would’ve wasted months on that in the past, but now I know my worth. If the US doesn’t see it, I accept that. My experience has taught me that these changes bring miraculous surprises!
I’m still totally in love with the USA, but there were rocky times and I think a little space could be good for us. There are plenty more countries in the sea. I won’t stop fighting for our love, I’ll refile for another visa, but stay open to anything else that comes along. If the US and I are meant to be together, we will be.
I’m heading to the Philippines for a couple of months for my next adventure (I hear it’s exotic and I’m pretty sure my photos are going to make the US realize what they’re missing)...
Meanwhile I’ll be posting photos of my time with USA in the hope that it’ll remember all the good times we've had and come to it’s senses. I’ll be playing “I want you back” by NYSNC on repeat throughout the day and falling asleep singing “I don’t want to miss a thing…”, from the Armageddon soundtrack until I leave. Unlike Armageddon though, this isn’t the end of the world, this is just a new beginning… and although I’m a little sad, I’m mostly excited!
Massive thanks to everyone who has loved and supported me (In Australia and the US) and for all the good times! I’m beyond grateful! ... and just a little bit teary writing this! :-p The last 3 years have been the hardest and some of the best times of my life. But the very best part is that I've reconnected more strongly with the place within where true love resides, and I'll be taking it with me everywhere I go xoxo

Comments

Popular Posts