To Blog or Not To Blog…

"I just can't get you outta my head" are lyrics to one of Kylie Minogue’s greatest hits, and it relates to how I feel about writing my blog. Writing is like an over enthusiastic parrot on my shoulder who won’t stop squawking until I listen to what it has to say, but simply writing isn’t enough to silence the relentless voice. If I don't share what I'm writing, I become some sort of a self-help robot sprouting Eckhart Tolle and Louise Hay sermons, which, I realize, in many situations, can be kind of annoying… 

When people ask, “How was your weekend?”, I don't think they mean for me to give them a detailed account on what I'm learning about mindfulness, spirituality, or transmuting sexual energy.  I think they just want me to say "Good thanks, hung out with friends, had fun", but I can't help it.  If I don't find an outlet for the words that flow through me, they burst out of me like a Tony Robbins style preacher. Like an unstoppable self-improvement madman.

In 2012 I wrote a blog following my year without alcohol and it was one of the best years of my life, mostly in terms of how I felt within myself. I felt so alive and excited about life, I finally felt like I was sharing the love that I feel in my heart, and I’ve been trying to get back into that space ever since.

Santa Monica Beach
I started writing this blog 2 years ago, but didn’t follow through and sat on it for 3 years before that. My insecurities got the better of me as I thought, "who am I to write another blog?”.  I wanted to "serve" others, to give back, to contribute by sharing what I'm writing, but something was still stopping me…

I was afraid of being “egotistical”.  But the truth is, it’s not about me.  The words come through me based on my experiences, but mostly it feels like it’s not really me writing it.  It's influenced by books I've read and how I've applied teachings and techniques to my life, but a lot of it comes through living my life, observing, making mistakes and learning blind.  It often comes to me in meditation, it comes from my heart. I believe we all have the answers inside us and we just point each other in the right direction, or the wrong direction, and then we find our own way back.  

I was recently at a friends place for dinner who's a chef and because I don't like cooking, I was feeling guilty that she always cooks. I asked if she ever gets tired of cooking for everyone all the time. She replied “Of course not, I love it! It’s my passion and I want to share it with everyone!” 

I imagined her eating a whole buffet of food to herself and I realised that’s how I feel when I don’t share my writing, it builds up inside me and clogs me up like pigging out at an all you can eat buffet.  She reminded me that writing for myself wasn’t enough, it's sharing it with others that truly lights me up.

We all go through similar experiences, maybe not exact situations, but parallel emotions, struggles, and growth, and when we read each other's stories we get that feeling of unity. That connectedness we share.  It makes us come alive when we think "Oh my gosh, me too!"

We have to find a purpose bigger than ourselves, but that inspiration must come from within and without any external expectation or attachment, and that’s not easy when, as human beings, we’ve been conditioned to reach outside ourselves for validation and “happiness”.

We can literally do anything our heart desires, we just have to get out of our own way first.  And I’ve found that sometimes, getting out of our own way can actually take a while…


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